Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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