I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
