Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
