Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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