you traded sex for a burrito?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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