He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
