im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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