He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
