I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
