Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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