My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
