Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
