The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
