You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
