remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
