Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
