I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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