and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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