I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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