I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
