you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
