Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
