Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
