wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
