stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
