Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you never un-have a 4some
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
