why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
