My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
