tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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