yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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