I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
