I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
