around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
