if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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