Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
