If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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