Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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