Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
