I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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