My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
