You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
