Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
