I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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