I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
