Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sober January is a disaster.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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