I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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