Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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