Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
