if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
