Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
