The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
