Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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