What did we do last night that was yellow?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
