i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
