i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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