don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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