I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
